Ask the MH girls the questions you can’t ask anyone else. They’re three women who speak their mind, so don’t expect sugar-coated answers. Today they’re asked: Does playing hard to get really work? – AF
Jess: I wouldn’t say that playing hard to get works. But… matching your level of apparent interest to theirs just might. For me, if I’m not really invested in someone, having them come on strong is super off-putting and a bit ick. Whereas if you’re both keen, who needs games?
Nik: There’s a balance to be struck in the early days for sure. You can definitely be too keen, but if you’re too standoffish, that can be a turn-off, too.
Becky: Yeah, playing hard to get means you’re playing games – and who has time to play games? And who deserves to be played with? That said, entering the dating phase feeling relaxed and casual won’t hurt you one bit.
Nik: There’s something desirable about someone who’s just a little mysterious…
Becky: Everyone is going to be attracted to different things. The best you can do, AF, is be yourself while gauging the other person’s vibe.
Jess: Seriously, what does playing hard to get even mean? Is it taking an age to reply to a text? Is it being as a distant as your great aunt Florence? Is it seeing each other only sporadically so you can date other people? All that sounds more draining than alluring. So, if there are guys out there who think playing hard to get is a way to woo someone,
I’d suggest a new strategy: putting in the time to get to know someone.
Becky: I take it to mean playing it cool, maybe acting as though this person is not a priority.
Nik: Come to think of it, I read about a recent study by a team of researchers at the University of Rochester. They examined the effects of playing hard to get and found that it may increase your desirability. On the flip side, immediately reciprocating another person’s interest may not be the smartest strategy. Here’s a little excerpt: “People who are too easy to attract may be perceived as more desperate”.
Becky: Interesting. Personally, I don’t like anyone who’s overly keen, but nor do I want to play games. Play it cool and do your own thing, but be open to forming a connection and don’t overthink everything, AF.
Nik: Yep, do what feels right. And if you really are feeling something and sense they do too, don’t be afraid to be honest.