Ask the MH girls the questions you can’t ask anyone else. They’re three women who speak their mind, so don’t expect sugar-coated answers.
Today they’re asked: My new girlfriend keeps hassling me to meet my friends. Problem is, they’re kind of juvenile, party-types. If she meets them, will she be turned off me? – BM
Jess: This is tricky because I tend to think friends are a good reflection of someone’s character and what it will be like integrating into that circle.
Nik: She’s obviously going to meet them eventually. It’s a big call, BM, but if you’re so embarrassed by them, could it be time to ditch them? Could this be a turning point for you?
Becky: That is a big call. I think if you let her know what they’re like before she meets them, she’ll at least have a heads-up on what to expect. And look, there’s nothing wrong with being the party type if you’re not hurting anyone.
Jess: Also, these hard-partying mates of yours, are they your only friends? Perhaps you have other friends who aren’t always getting lit? If you don’t, why not organise for your girlfriend to meet the party boys over coffee or something in daylight hours – any scenario that doesn’t involve going hard on the beverages.
Nik: Yeah, maybe they’ll pleasantly surprise you in a sober state.
Becky: Exactly. Either set up something where drinking isn’t the focus or opt out early if things start to escalate. Jess: In my experience, getting along with your partner’s friends is important. I want to feel comfortable hanging out with them and talking to them on my own. You can’t put this off forever.
Becky: That said, your girlfriend needs to be able to accept who your friends are, just as she needs to like you for you. If there’s pretending and hiding going on, that’s a red flag.
Jess: It’s weird, though, that he feels a little ashamed of them.
Nik: Definitely avoid telling your friends beforehand how to behave.
Becky: Best behaviour will always wear off. Just bring them together, go with the flow and let it pan out the way it’s meant to.