Standing sex is something everyone always seem to be trying to master, but can’t really get the hang of IRL. Let’s be real: Standing up while trying to simultaneously have sex with your partner is challenging for lots of reasons: height differences, holding someone’s body weight, and a bunch of entry weird angles.
So why do we find it so appealing? “Standing sex is depicted a lot in porn, and it does look kinda hot, doesn’t it?” explains Lucy Rowett, a certified sex coach and clinical sexologist. “For men, it can be a way to show their strength and dominance, and for women, it’s the thrill you get of doing something out of the ordinary.”
There is not one single way to have sex standing up. There are tons of ways to pull this off, and contrary to what you may have seen, there is something for everyone. Whether it’s sex up against a wall, with your partner on the kitchen counter, with everyone’s feet still on the ground, or even standing sex that doesn’t involve intercourse, we have you covered.
If you’re looking to have hot standing sex, we have all the tips you need for the best experience possible.
1. Clear the room of any dangerous objects
Ditch the stuff on the floor. Check around the room to make sure any random shoes, children’s toys, laundry baskets, etc. are out of the way.
“In order to make standing sex more comfortable and hot, it’s a good idea to clear the room of anything you might trip over, because if one of you falls over or stumbles, you don’t want to fall onto anything that could hurt you,” says Rowett.
It may not feel like the hottest foreplay to clean up when you’re trying to get down and dirty, but it’s a lot better than taking an impromptu trip to the ER. Imagine explaining that one to a nurse! No, thanks.
2. Start with a recline instead of a stand
Instead of going for a full-on stand for the standing sex, Rowett suggests starting with a reclining position—as in, having your partner on a surface and leaning into their body, with your leg(s) on the floor. Physically lean into your partner’s body, taking some weight off your legs and onto your arms. This “half stand/half lean” position gives you more balance and helps to alleviate any height differences. (It can also be hard to maintain an erection while holding someone up entirely!)
“Make sure you’ve got something sturdy to hold onto like a rail or a perch, and also something to rest your foot on to raise one leg,” Rowett explains. “Make sure their bottom is comfortable and there’s nothing digging into their back.”
3. Use a stable surface to your advantage
Listen, you don’t need to be Hercules and lift your partner up to make standing sex happen. In fact, we recommend not doing this, as you may end up injuring yourself or your partner. (You don’t want to suddenly lose your balance mid-sex!) If you need some extra support, have your partner sit on a sturdy surface. Think countertops, chairs, couches, and anything else you can think of to make the experience better (and safer).
“To switch up a stabilized standing position, try having [them] wrap [their] legs around [your] waist while [they’re] on the edge of a counter,” says Sunny Rodgers, ACS, is a clinical sexologist, certified sex coach, and multi-certified sexual health & wellness educator. “This allows for more close contact and kissing, while still enjoying a position that allows you to angle your entry for multiple internal pleasure points.”
4. Try a standing spoon
If you’re going to stand, choose the right angles and positions. “I recommend the standing spoon position since both partners can be firmly on their feet, which will help with stability,” Rodgers says. “By having the man enter from behind, [their] partner can use [their] hands on a wall (or window) for support.”
This position offers some great opportunities for power play, especially if you hold your partner’s wrists. You can kiss their neck and maybe even nibble it. (Always ask your partner if this is OK before trying it.) “Plus, this position allows for wonderful stimulation options with the man enjoying hands-free freedom,” Rodgers adds. Hello, reach around! Grab a vibrator and really get the fun going.
5. Lift a leg
Getting your partner’s legs around you and having them against a wall may sound hot, but it’s probably not going to play out that way. As we’ve mentioned, it’s dangerous. So, to make things easier, try lifting one leg.
“[A] great option is to have lift [your] partner’s leg up for easier entry. Yes, this means only three feet on the floor, but this position allows partners to be face to face so both can appreciate each other’s pleasure,” Rodgers says. Hey, three legs is always better than two, right?
6. Penetration isn’t the only kind of standing sex out there
Intercourse is great and all, but it isn’t the only option on the table here. Since standing sex is pretty challenging, try other sexual acts as well. Have your partner lie on the kitchen counter and give them oral sex while you’re standing up, or get into some hand sex while you’re both standing. Be sure to use lots of lube!
7. Get some gear
When it comes to getting on while standing, it’s fun to invest in some gear that will make it hotter for both you and your partner. “You can buy props like suction cups for the shower or grab bars, and if you really want to go to town, buy a suspension harness,” Rowett says. A suspension harness lets you dangle above the ground. It can be quite kinky. Another great option is to invest in Pillo from Dame Products. It is a sex pillow that makes for a great lift for your partner when seated on a surface. You can also put it on the floor and stand on it to make up for a height difference.
Speaking of a height difference, Rowett says, “It can also be sexy if you’re having sex with a woman and she wears heels, then you enter her from behind. This helps with the height difference and angles.”
Since standing sex is not the easiest kind of sex there is, you want to be sure to check in with your partner throughout the experience to be sure everyone is having a good, pleasurable time. “Keep checking in with them that it feels good and comfortable, because even if it’s great for you, they might not be feeling it,” Rowett says.
Sex is a joint experience and you want to be sure you’re both getting everything you want out of it. If you or your partner isn’t enjoying it, that’s no big deal. Just switch to something else!
This article originally appeared on Men’s Health