The Craziest, Most NSFW Things Flight Attendants Have Seen on a Plane | Men's Health Magazine Australia

The Craziest, Most NSFW Things Flight Attendants Have Seen on a Plane

You’ve probably heard of the Mile High Club, the mythical, exclusive organization made up of people who have sex on airplanes. Hell, maybe you’re even a member. But even though airplane sex is a fairly common fantasy, the unfortunate reality is that it’s kind of a nuisance for the other passengers, not to mention the people who actually work on the plane.

If you’re getting busy in an airplane bathroom, you’re making a lot of extra work for the flight attendants, and likely embarrassing yourself in the process. “We can’t have that happen on the plane while we are working,” says MacKenzie* (last names have been withheld to protect the airline employees’ privacy), 27, a flight attendant for a major U.S. airline. “Also, those bathrooms are NASTY. You shouldn’t touch anything in there, let alone have sex in them.”

Still convinced that joining the Mile High Club is right for you? Check out these stories from real-life flight attendants who have witnessed a wide range of outrageous, totally NSFW in-flight behavior. Fasten your seat belts: it might get bumpy.

THE MISSED CONNECTION

Edgar, 40, says he was once working on a cross-country flight from JFK to LAX when he saw a long line of passengers waiting to use the lavatory, including a man and woman who were waiting in line beside each other. “I left the surrounding area for a few minutes to tend to a request from a passenger,” he says. “When I returned, the male passenger was gone.” He assumed that the male passenger went to use the bathroom on the other side of the plane, but after a few minutes, the lavatory door began to knock and shake.

“One of the waiting passengers said, ‘There seems to be a party happening in the lavatory,'” Edgar recalls. He knocked on the door and told them to leave the bathroom. “After five minutes they opened the door and exited without any embarrassment. The male passenger was annoyed that I scolded them and told me to mind my own business.”

But karma caught up with them in the end. According to Edgar, the next passenger who entered the lavatory found the previous occupant’s passport on the floor, which fell out of his pocket during all the…turbulence. “The passenger gave me the passport,” Edgar said. “But it must have slipped my mind to return it.”

As a result, the couple was unable to board their connecting flight, so they had to pay a new fare. Edgar says he eventually mailed the lost passport to the home address on file with a note that read, “Next time, fuck at home or your hotel. Not in an airplane unsanitary lavatory.”

THE FIRST-CLASS TREATMENT

Chris, 34, says he witnessed an incident on a flight from LAX to JFK. “On this route, it’s not unusual to have celebs aboard, and this day was no different,” he says. “First to board was a 90s gangster rapper and his then-girlfriend. Later, a long-revered older actress/singer came on the flight. Let’s just say it was like having the Queen of England on board.” The actress/singer was seated across from the rapper on the flight.

After the meal service, Chris says he walked up the aisle to see the rapper and his girlfriend snuggling under a blanket. He could see a familiar up-and-down motion happening in his lap.

“I walked back to the galley to tell my fellow crew members to take a look, to be sure I was seeing what I thought I was seeing,” he says. “As we were discussing the situation, our beloved actress walks into the galley and we immediately try to play it cool. ‘Are you enjoying your trip so far?,’ we asked her. ‘Well, not as much as some others, it seems,’ she said to us.” Well, at least she had a sense of humor about it.

THE IN-FLIGHT MEAL

Leah, 29, who works for a high-profile American airline, says it isn’t so common to see passengers trying to join the Mile High Club. Most of the time, she says, it’s the staff that’s seeking membership. (Apologies to anyone who has a fear of flying — you might want to skip this next anecdote.)

Because many airlines require that two people be in the cockpit at all times, “pilots have worked it out with each other so that when one steps out for a break, he takes a few extra minutes so the flight attendant who has caught the co-pilot’s eye can linger in the flight deck,” she says. Some of what goes down during that time is just innocent flirting, “but there have been several BJs that have also gone down.”

THE HANDY SEATMATE

One attendant for a French airline says that on a trip from Paris to JFK, she spotted two gentlemen in business class fooling around while the rest of the passengers were asleep.

“This was back in the day when the seats were right next to each other,” she says. “The lights dimmed, and one gentleman hunkered down with a blanket over him. And, not so subtly, he began making that up and down motion we all know so well. The passenger next to him, equally not so subtly, began to inch his elbow closer to the arm of the manwho was in the act.”

Fortunately for the two passengers, the flight attendant decided not to interfere. “As I saw his arm get closer and closer, I was watching in eager anticipation to see if the active arm would jump back or allow the connection to happen.” As it turns out, a connection was made: “The first man slid his hand under the blanket, and the second man returned the favor.”

This article originally appeared on Men’s Health.

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