One of the wonderful things about human sexuality is how you’re always discovering new things about yourself: what turns you on, the things that drive you wild. Sometimes we can get really into a specific fantasy, only to find that reality doesn’t quite live up to it. In a thread on Reddit, people are opening up about the times that they thought they had a fetish, until they actually tried it in real life.
“I thought I was into rough choke play, but the chick I was with at the time thought light choking meant strangling,” said one guy. “Now don’t get me wrong, I like rough sex, but I thought I might actually pass out or have my throat crushed with the amount of pressure that was being applied to it that night.” Top tip: if you and your partner are into choking, don’t just crush the top of their throat, as that’s where the (easily bruised) windpipe is located.
Choking was a fairly common kink on the thread which people thought sounded hot until they actually tried it. “As it turns out, being choked sends me into an immediate panic attack because I’m apparently extremely afraid of suffocating to death,” said one commenter.
“I did ‘bondage’ one time and…. it wasn’t done the right way,” recalled somebody else. “I laid on my stomach with my feet tied to my hands behind my back very tight with shopping bags so I couldn’t move. I had something stuffed in my mouth I think a sock so I couldn’t speak. The guy then teased me by taking a knife and bringing it very close to my eyes and throat. I was flat out terrified. We were close so it was all in good fun but… never again.” When it comes to BDSM, it is crucial to set very clear boundaries and rules before you do anything. The fantasy of being overpowered is one thing, but both parties must vocally consent before starting that role-play. And a safe word is always recommended.
In fact, roleplay was something that plenty of other people admitted felt kind of silly once they actually got started, despite how sexy they imagined it being. Turns out, it can feel more like dinner theatre than anything else. “I think he was into it, but I was barely controlling my laughter at how awkward it was,” said one. “At one point, it became so ridiculous that I snorted louder than I ever had in my life.”
“This girl I was dating about a year ago told me she always wanted to get shocked by one of those cattle prods thingies,” said another commenter on the thread. “I was completely against the idea as I did not want to basically tase her, but eventually we got on Amazon and bought one that was for in bed use, and well after the first shock she learned real quick that she was indeed not into that and blamed me for not stopping her. She was a really nice person and always thought it was super hot when she would see it in videos, but yeah no…shit hurts.”
Sex in public places might appeal to some exhibitionists, but for others, it’s a no-go. “We tried in the car,” reads one reply. “Thought it would be hot, but I was tense thinking someone would show up and catch us, so I couldn’t relax and got as dry as the Sahara desert.”
It’s great to explore your sexuality with your partner, to try new things, and it’s also perfectly fine if you decide that these new things aren’t for you. If nothing else, you’ll have a fun story to share with the internet.
This article originally appeared on Men’s Health