TO PARAPHRASE THREE 6 MAFIA, “It’s hard out here for a simp.”
Ever since the hashtag #SimpNation took over TikTok in 2020, this word – often used to insult dudes, whether justly or unjustly – has earned a permanent spot in online slang. Case in point: When you search “simp” on Urban Dictionary, five pages of definitions pop up. Which also begs the question…
What exactly is a simp?
Well, that depends on who you ask—and when. Because while “simp” might seem like a new term, it’s actually been around for over a century.
The New Partridge Dictionary of Slang and Unconventional English traces “simp,” a shortened version of “simpleton,” back to 1903. One prominent example comes from a 1923 New York Times article, which quoted a letter from a woman criticising unmarried men: “Those bachelor simps are afraid to take a chance and too tight to share their earnings with a wife.” That’s a sick burn, even by today’s standards.
By the 1980s, rap artists like Hugh E.M.C., Too Short, and E-40 were using “simp” to describe men who were “overly sympathetic.” In the early 2010s, the word made its way onto men’s rights forums, where butt-hurt bros insisted that feminism was turning men soft – a.k.a. turning men into simps.
Through its evolution, the definition of “simp” has expanded so that it is now both a noun and a verb (to “simp over” or “simp for” someone is to engage in simp behaviour). These days, the most common definition of the noun “simp” – which is to say, the most popular definition on Urban Dictionary – is this: “Someone who puts the hoes before the bros, simps will do or say anything to please someone, particularly a girl, in the hopes that they will be in gain favour [sic] with that person.” Meanwhile, the prevailing definition on UD for the verb is “to express great appreciation for someone to the point of putting them on a pedestal, can be used in both the platonic and/or romantic sense.”
What’s with the sudden popularity of the word “simp” in recent years?
As with most internet trends, the exact origins are unclear, but it seems that TikTok user @poloboy (who currently has 6.3 million followers) allowed #SimpNation to pick up traction and spread. Now #SimpNation has 44.89 thousand and #simp 2.3 million views on TikTok, respectively. And while some social media users jokingly refer to themselves and others as “simps” when they’re talking about having a crush or being a doting partner, the word is often used in a derogatory way. (There’s also a vocal contingent of misogynist internet users who believe “simp” is an acronym for “Suckas Idolizing Mediocre Pussy,” but we’re going to give those folks the attention they deserve—which is zero.)
@poloboy Aye bruh atleast she replied 💀 #fyp #foryou #foryoupage ♬ original sound – Marco Borghi
As #SimpNation’s popularity skyrocketed in 2020 and beyond, YouTube user @tiktokcomp527 shared a video titled “Welcome to SIMP NATION Tiktok meme compilation.”
According to the videos in this compilation, you’re considered a simp if you:
- Answer a FaceTime call from a woman
- Dress well to impress your crush
- Respond “too quickly” to texts from women
- Reply to all of your crush’s Instagram stories
- And, perhaps most horrifying of all: Give a pencil to your crush in class
Hopefully, we can all agree that some of these behaviours – like answering a FaceTime call or responding to a text – are normal acts of kindness and respect, and it’s clear that some TikTok creators are using “simp” to promote toxic masculinity by dunking on polite men who offer women the bare minimum. You remembered your girlfriend’s favourite movie? Total simp move. You let your female friend borrow your hoodie when she was cold? Welcome to #SimpNation.
Being kind to your crush or partner should be standard, but apparently, that’s a faux pas in the eyes of online simp indicters. That said, while it’s important to be thoughtful and courteous, some of the simp behaviours named in these TikTok videos can be creepy, depending on context.
What’s the difference between being a nice guy and a presumptuous, clingy weirdo?
It’s all about setting and abiding by healthy boundaries. “If you really like someone and show interest in them and offer to help when they genuinely need it, but then also walk away if told no [and] respect boundaries in the future accordingly, you’re showing kindness and interest in a non-creepy way,” says Sanam Hafeez, Psy.D., a licensed psychologist and founder/director of Comprehend the Mind, a provider of neuropsychological assessments and evaluations in New York City. When you’re being overbearing (replying to every single one of your crush’s Instagram stories without receiving any response) or offering unwanted favors (using your jacket to protect your crush from the rain without asking first), that’s when the Creep Alarm starts blaring—and for a good reason.
“[A simp’s] favours are often unasked for,” Hafeez says. “They put the other person in a place of obligation they never asked to be in.” That’s gross, especially when the simp is expecting attention or sex in return. No one deserves to feel trapped and uncomfortable, even if your actions “look nice” at face value.
Am I a good simp or a bad simp?
While most people use “simp” to describe men who date women, anyone can engage in simp behaviour. According to Hafeez, insecure people of any gender or orientation are likely to show disregard for others’ boundaries. “Some people behave in this manner when they haven’t had enough relationship experience or never thought that someone of a certain calibre would show interest in them,” she says. “More often than not, simps are not in the relationship that they think they are in.”
If you’re only hanging out with someone and offering favours because you’re hoping that one day they’ll bone you, cut it out. It’s more ethical (and way more comfortable for everyone) if you either a) keep things platonic or b) buck up and share your feelings. You can certainly pursue your crush – just do it in a straightforward, respectful way. “A much easier way to find out if your admiration is reciprocated is to ask someone out for a coffee or a drink instead of offering to be their errand boy,” Hafeez says.
If you clearly and explicitly ask someone out and they turn you down, then accept that as their final answer. Don’t try to talk them into going out with you, and please don’t perform endless favours in order to change their mind. As Hafeez says, “Liking someone should not mean discarding one’s own dignity.”
This article originally appeared on Men’s Health US.
Related:
STUDY: Nice Guys Have More Sex
Osher Günsberg on what healthy masculinity actually looks like
