You’re chatting to a woman at the bar. She’s single! She’s nursing a beer! Why wouldn’t you express your interest? Well, while your potential new fling might seem like a catch, here are four scenarios to be wary of.
1. She’s Fresh Out of a Relationship
Women on the rebound are incredibly attractive because they’re full of passion and typically a little wild, but they could potentially rip your heart out, warns Donna Barnes, a relationship coach and author of Giving Up Junk-Food Relationships: Recipes for Healthy Choices.
A girl who just had her heart broken may be trying to avoid the pain however she can, and may have abandonment anxiety. She may be uncomfortable being alone and will reach out to whoever is there to feel better, Barnes explains. That means she might happily jump head-first into a new relationship with adoration and allure, which makes it easy for you to get attached – and possibly hurt. Plus, without sorting through things on her own first, she may project some of the the problems from her last relationship onto you, which is impossible to reason with, Barnes adds.
2. She’s Pounding Shots at the Back of the Bar
“Guys are attracted to girls partying hard because they look like a good time,” says relationship therapist Rachel Sussman, author of The Breakup Bible. But proceed with caution: she’s blowing off steam for a reason, like a break-up or a terrible day, and people can become emotional when they’re drunk.
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3. She Blames Everyone Else
If every single story she tells is about something bad that happened – but it totally wasn’t her fault at all – beware: “She’s incapable of taking personal responsibility, so nothing will ever be her fault and she’ll never feel the need to change,” Barnes says. Unfortunately, a lot of people complain because they don’t know what else to talk about, she adds. But if every story on a first date involves someone else messing up, take it as a cue to keep your distance.
4. She’s Glued to Her Phone
A smartphone attachment may mean “she needs that contact with other people constantly for security”, says Barnes. And if she’s not texting her friends, she’s probably dealing with work emails, which is just as bad, Barnes adds. “The point of being out is to interact with other people. If someone can’t leave work alone on a Friday night, that dependency is going to be a problem in your relationship,” she explains.
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