Ask the MH girls the questions you can’t ask anyone else. They’re three women who speak their mind, so don’t expect sugar-coated answers. Today they’re asked: I keep getting ghosted by girls after a couple of dates. A friend suggested it might be because I come on “too strong”. What’s the line between a guy being enthusiastic and romantic and being too ‘full-on?’ – SR
Becky: Okay, well, everyone’s version of “full-on” is going to look different. But I think we can all agree on some universal no-nos after a few dates.
Nik: Yep. It also requires reading the other person’s enthusiasm level.
Becky: Don’t be overly affectionate, needy or demanding. And DEFINITELY don’t be dropping the L word.
Nik: A certain energy is great, but just be chill, SR. The first few dates, you’re getting to know someone as a friend first, so take it easy.
Becky: For sure approach these early dates with confidence and keenness, but let her cues guide you as well.
Jess: Look, it’s flattering when you see your own level of enthusiasm reciprocated. But unbridled enthusiasm? See ya.
Becky: You’ll get bodily and verbal cues if she’s into you. If you’re not picking those up, best to take a step back.
Nik: I also think the first 10 minutes of the date are really telling. You can usually tell how the other person is vibing, and what type of energy they’d appreciate.
Jess: Know that time apart is a good thing! Coming on too strong for me looks like someone who wants to do things together constantly. Desire grows in the spaces between contact.
Nik: And just be yourself. Sometimes, if you’re trying too hard, you can come across as too full-on.
Becky: It also depends on how you’ve met. If it’s via a dating app, then you’re starting out as strangers and you need
to treat the other person accordingly until the walls have been knocked down. Go slow.
Nik: Totally. Don’t act too friendly or familiar. It’ll come across as fake. And when you ask questions, give them time to respond. There’s nothing worse than firing questions for the sake of it.
Becky: Respect boundaries. At the end of the date, try something like, “How would you feel about a second date?”
Nik: Cute.
