Ask the MH girls the questions you can’t ask anyone else. They’re three women who speak their mind, so don’t expect sugar-coated answers. Today they’re asked: “I know my girlfriend would like us to get married, but I’m not keen. I love her, but at 28 I know the magic will fade (for both of us) and everything will become routine. Any thoughts?” – SK
Nik: I feel like she might not be the one for you, SK.
Jess: Maybe there’s two parts to this question, right? There’s the issue of whether this is the girl for SK, and a separate one about whether in any long-term relationship, the passion/magic will fade.
Becky: Well, my first question to you, SK, is: do you not want to get married now? If the answer’s no, my next question is: what about ever?
Nik: Totally. Because it’s one thing to have not much hope for your current relationship. It’s another thing never to want to tie the knot.
Jess: A conversation between you and your partner about how each of you sees marriage – the joys and challenges, the likely trajectory of feelings – sounds like a good idea.
Becky: What’s the difference between being together as bf/gf and being together as husband and wife that will suddenly make the magic fade?
Jess: I don’t think it’s the change in status. I assume it’s the idea of being together long term.
Becky: Sure, and long-term relationships do become routine. But have faith that as you grow together, other amazing things can happen.
Jess: And not everyone’s bothered by routine. I think for a lot of people, that’s actually the good stuff. But there are also so many ways you can ensure the passion doesn’t disappear.
Nik: But have you had this discussion with her? You need to let her know how you’re feeling and see how she responds.
Becky: Call me a dreamer, but I think the best things are still to come in a relationship at 28. If the magic being lost is your big worry about getting married, SK, then I’d be thinking about whether this is the right relo for you in the long term.
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