MALE FIRSTBORNS, your suspicions were right. Your parents do have a favourite child and you likely aren’t it.
New research from Brigham Young University has found that younger siblings generally receive more favourable treatment from parents. The study also found parents tend to favour daughters slightly more than sons, although only parents tend to recognise the bias – children did not.
If you were dealt a dud hand in terms of gender or birth order, you can make up ground through sheer force of personality. The study found children who are agreeable and responsible, regardless of birth order or gender, generally receive more favourable treatment as well – in sibling parlance this is known as sucking up to your parents.
There is one bonus for older offspring. They’re often granted more autonomy, and parents are less controlling towards them as they grow up.
“Most parents probably connect more easily with one child over another, whether that be due to personality, birth order, gender or other things like shared interests,” says study author professor Alex Jensen. “Watch for those patterns within yourself. Pay attention to how your children react to things that could be perceived as favouritism.”
While sibling rivalry is normal, Jensen says it’s important to understand that family dynamics can have more serious implications, tangibly impacting a child’s wellbeing and development. Jensen’s previous research shows that children who feel less favoured by their parents are more likely to experience poor mental health and to engage in problematic behaviour at home or school.
“Keep an eye out for things that seem unfair. Your children will let you know if they think something is unfair. Pay attention to them when they make that known,” Jensen advises. “Either they are missing perspective and understanding, or you need to make some changes in your parenting. Make sure you are open to the latter.”
To conduct the study, Jensen and his colleagues examined data from more than 19,000 individuals, drawing from a wide range of published and unpublished sources. The research provides a broad view of how parental preferences manifest and how they can influence children throughout their lives.
“Sometimes parents get so concerned about treating their kids the same that they may overlook individual needs,” Jensen says. “We’re not suggesting parents feel guilty; instead, parents can look at this research and use it as encouragement to look at places where they can improve, without going to extremes.”
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