It’s not like sex and dating is getting any easier. And we’ve all got questions about how to be the best for our relationships. Every month, Men’s Health readers ask, and Men’s Health resident columnist, Naomi Piercey, a real woman with a real job and a real point of view, answers.
She wants to have pool sex. How do we make sure this goes well?
Are you sure? Because I’ve had sex in a pool. Fun for the novelty. Not super effective for the sex. Pool water is not an ideal lubricant, and thinking about chlorine in all your sensitive parts is somewhat distracting. If she’s into it, by all means go for it, but don’t be afraid to take things into the shallow end. Sometimes the outdoor element is all you need to satisfy any exhibitionist affinities. Personally, however, I’d go by this mantra: Sex next to the pool? Cool. Sex underwater? Don’t bother.
My wife is micromanaging our pre-baby prep, including obsessing over the name. How much of a say do I really have?
Are you Don Draper and not a real part of your wife’s pregnancy? Look, I get it. It can be hard to contribute to the preparation when you’re not the one whose body is physically preparing for a new baby. But women really do want their baby daddy to be involved in every step of the process. And she wants you to get excited about the naming, too. Do a little research and list making and come to the table with names you like and why. Sure, it’ll be a compromise, but she’s hoping you’ll be a constructive contributor. People want their partners to have an opinion above all else.
We just started dating. Now he’s leaving for three weeks. How do I keep up the momentum without overwhelming him?
If you just started dating, I wouldn’t worry about the momentum too much. Those early-stage butterflies are exciting for everyone. Yes to a few fun selfies. No to nightly check-in calls. Yes to lighthearted texts. No to emotional drunk dials. And yes to maybe sharing a few memes that he’d find funny. But no to having the restaurant send over a bottle of wine at his work dinner. You want to convey “thinking of you,” not “thinking only of you.”
She’s rich and picks fancy wine bars for our dates. How do I suggest someplace cheaper?
You can do this—it’s called being resourceful. And you don’t have to draw any attention to your meager funds. Just because she’s choosing similar venues doesn’t mean she’s not into trying new places. Find spots within your budget that have a unique factor and sell her on those—great ambience, live music, creative tacos. It’s about the effort put in, not the cash. She’ll see that—if you really do your homework.
Is there a smooth way to un-ghost someone on a dating app?
Smooth? Probably not, but if you really want to rekindle things, try entering the land of the living on a different platform (like text or email). It makes things less awkward if you start a new thread that doesn’t show you’ve been MIA. Offer up an honest excuse, if it’s reasonable, but you have to hope your kick-ass initial impression was good enough to overshadow your rudeness.
This article originally appeared on Men’s Health