NEARLY NINE OUT OF 10 people have sexted at some point. And is that any surprise? According to a 2015 study, people who sext more often are more likely to be sexually satisfied in their relationships. Not only that, but a 2021 study also found that almost 17 per cent of young adults have reached an orgasm, or at least been aroused, from sexting. Many participants said sexting helped to spice things up in their long-term or long-distance relationships, and even built a sense of trust and security with their partners.
“Sexting can help build intimacy and connection,” he says. “It can also help create a sense of anticipation and excitement. And when you finally get to see each other in person, that sexual tension will be explosive.”
If the idea of sending raunchy messages feels awkward or anxiety-inducing, you’re not alone. Just remember: sexting is supposed to be fun, and there are no hard and fast “rules” about how to do it “right.”
That said, for best results, Anderson recommends tailoring your sexts to your relationship—for example, by incorporating your partner’s specific turn-ons, or reminiscing about a particularly mind-blowing sexual memory.
Rafineè Butler, a clinical sexologist and licensed marriage and family therapist, also notes that timing is everything. A sext will generally land much better when your partner is on a lunch break, or on their way out of the office than it will when they’re in back to back meetings during a busy morning.
Still at a loss for words? Here are some ideas that are sure to get your SO hot and bothered—whether you’re going for playful, seductive, or straight-up X-rated.
The teasing sext:
- I’m so wet right now.
- I’m going to make you wait to have me until tomorrow.
- I would do so many naughty things to you if you were here right now.
- I had a dream about you last night…
- Do you know what I’d do to you if I had you underneath me right now?
- I’m touching myself thinking about you.
- I just thought of something I’d like to do to you tonight…
- You’ll never guess what sexy thing just came in the mail.
- Guess what I’m wearing right now. I’ll give you a hint…
- I have a few things planned for you when you get home tonight…
The compliment sext:
- You are so fucking gorgeous/sexy/handsome.
- You’re such a smokeshow.
- I can’t stop thinking about how hot you looked in that dress/skirt/suit.
- Your body is incredible.
- I can’t wait to see those beautiful lips/eyes/legs of yours again.
- I get so turned on thinking about your [insert body part].
- You have the hottest [insert body part] I’ve ever seen.
- I can’t believe I get to kiss you/taste you/touch you/fuck you.
- I want you so bad right now.
- You look good in everything you wear, but you look even better naked.
- Have I ever told you that you give the best head ever?
- You’re such a good kisser—I get hard as soon as you put your mouth on mine.
The what-I’m-doing-right-now sext:
- I can still smell you on my fingers, and it’s turning me on…
- Just thinking about you made me so hot I had to sneak off to touch myself…
- Just wanted you to know I’m sitting here thinking about how good you taste.
- Want to know what I want to do with you right now if I could?
- I’m so hard right now.
- I’m so turned on right now.
- Wearing those black boxer briefs you love, and nothing else.
- Just got out of the shower and still naked.
- Still in bed and wishing you were here…
- I’m imagining how it would feel to be inside you right now.
- I’m imagining how you would look riding me right now.
- Texting you with one hand… my other hand is busy doing something else.
The preview/anticipation sext:
- Already thinking of all the ways I’m going to show you I want you later.
- I can’t wait to try that fantasy we talked about the other day.
- Think you could put on that set I love tonight? I want to see you in it so bad.
- I can’t wait to get home and taste/smell/touch/fuck you.
- I’ve been thinking about you all day long… what are you going to do to me when you see me tonight?
- Already hard thinking about what I want to do to you later.
- I’m counting down the minutes until I can make you come.
- I want to tear your clothes off the second I walk in the door.
- No need to make dinner, that pussy is all I want when I get home from work.
- I’m going to make you feel so fucking good tonight.
- I can’t wait to be inside of you.
- I can’t wait to feel you inside of me.
- I’m going to bend you over the bed/couch/table tonight.
- I’m going to make you come so hard later.
- Where do you want me to come tonight?
- Have a new trick I’d like to try with my tongue tonight.
- I’m going to make you scream so loud tonight that the neighbours will complain.
The dominant sext:
- Have you been a bad girl today?
- You can’t wait for me to come over and fuck you, isn’t that right?
- That last photo made ms so hard. What do you have to say for yourself?
- Be a good girl and get your pussy wet for me.
- That’s a pretty naughty photo. I think someone needs to be punished.
- I want to hear you beg for it.
- Tell me how exactly you’re touching yourself right now.
- I want that pussy ready when I get home.
- Make sure you’re wearing those panties I like when I get home.
- Have you been on your best behavior today? If not, might need to tie you down tonight…
- I’m going to make you work for it tonight.
- Sounds like you deserve a good spanking tonight.
- I have a pair of handcuffs with your name on them.
- I have a blindfold ready to put on you when you get home.
- Can’t wait to pin you down and have my way with you.
- I want you naked and waiting for me when I get home.
- I’m going to tell you exactly what I want you to do to me tonight, and I’ll have to punish you if you don’t follow instructions.
- Stop whatever you’re doing right now and start touching yourself for me.
The submissive sext:
- I’ve been so bad today.
- I think I need you to punish me.
- I want to beg you to let me come.
- I’ll be a good boy and do what you say.
- I think I need to be spanked.
- I need to be taught a lesson.
- Do whatever you want with me tonight.
- When you get home from work, I’ll be waiting on my knees to make you come.
- How’d you like to handcuff me to the bed and have your way with me later?
- I love when you put your hands around my throat while you’re riding me.
- I’m in the mood to be tied up and taken advantage of.
- I want you to make me do all the work tonight.
- I want you to cover my back in scratch marks tonight.
- I love when you tease me like crazy without letting me come.
The sexual fantasy sext:
- What toys do you want to use together tonight?
- Would you ever enjoy being watched while we’re having sex?
- What do you think about while I’m fucking you?
- What was the last thing you thought about while touching yourself?
- NGL, I want to try edging you.
- I want to pull your hair while I take you from behind.
- When I walk in from work, I want to fuck you right on the kitchen counter.
- I want to blindfold you and tease you until you’re begging me for more.
- Sometimes I like thinking about you getting fucked by someone else.
- The idea of you kissing another woman makes me hard instantly.
- I’d love to let you tie me up and do anything you want.
- Meet me at our favourite bar tonight and pretend you don’t know me.
- I want to watch you touch yourself.
The down-memory-lane sext
- That orgasm you gave me last night still sends shivers down my spine.
- It was so hot when you _____.
- I still get turned on thinking about _____.
- Thinking about how you sounded moaning my name over and over is driving me crazy.
- You looked so sexy when you _____.
- Did you like it when I ____?
- Still thinking about _____ and craving more tonight.
- Can’t stop thinking about the view while I was looking up at you with my face between your legs.
- Remember that time we _____? Let’s try that again.
- What’s your favourite place we’ve ever had sex? Mine has to be _____.
- I keep picturing how you looked with your _____ on my _____.
- What I wouldn’t give to relive that hot night in _____.
- I’ve been reminiscing about how amazing it felt the first time I slid inside you…
- Remember when we had sex _____ times in one day? Let’s see if we can beat our personal record.
Tips for Great Sexting
If someone you care about sends you a sext, try to see it from their point of view. Having empathy for our partner can be a great way to see where they are coming from. This goes both ways. Before you send a sext, ask yourself: is this a sext I’d want to receive? This can help us think through our sexts more effectively.
Ask consent before sending the sext.
Before you ever send a sexy text, you have to ask if your partner is open to receiving these kinds of messages. Everyone deserves to have their boundaries respected, regardless of how intimate or casual the relationship is. This message doesn’t need to be cumbersome. Try something simple and straightforward, like: “Hey, I thought it would be really fun to do some sexting. Would you be open to that?” or “I’d love to sext with you. Are you down?”
More adjectives = more dirty.
A general rule of thumb when it comes to sexting is that the more adjectives you use within a sext, the filthier it will be. For example: If you put the words “hard, throbbing, huge” in front of the word “dick”, well, you get the picture. If you want to take sexting to the next level, up the ante with descriptive words.
Enthusiasm is key.
Heed this warning: Enthusiasm is far, far more important than writing a “great” sext. If you’re having an amazing time and you make sure your partner knows it, you’re doing just fine. The core of sexting is just about turning each other on and having fun. Let your partner know periodically how hot this conversation is for you and how horny it’s making you. This keeps both of you highly engaged in the conversation, allowing it to move forward with minimal awkwardness. It’s all about being present and leaning in.
Give and receive feedback.
To be a truly legendary sexter, you have to be willing to both give and receive feedback without becoming defensive. We do this by employing our old pal empathy. Ask your partner if they’ve enjoyed the sexts you’ve sent them: are there particular messages that they liked best? Certain kinds they could do with less of? All feedback is good information. If you take your partner’s advice to heart, you can improve your sexting game.