Reignite the Passion
There inevitably comes a time in a sexual relationship when the flame flickers – the heat dims, the romance fades. Major downer. But the good news: this phase is normal and most definitely salvageable, says sexologist and relationship expert Nikki Goldstein. “It’s not the end of the world and your response shouldn’t always be about getting it back, but rather creating something new and different,” she says. “You need to put the same amount of effort into your relationships as you do the other most important aspects of your life.”
1. Treat your partner
“Spoiling my partner with all of his favourite things can really help set the mood, but it’s not just about sex. It might be his favourite meal and bottle of wine, followed by a massage or spa bath together. It’s just a night to spoil him rotten – and, of course, hoping I will get spoilt in return.”
2. Touch and adore
“Outer play always works well. It might sound strange to refrain from intercourse, but often we’re in such a rush we skip the fun parts. I love to spend time just kissing and touching without the pressure of performance and penetration. It’s about feeling connected, and that connection can be a real turn-on and take things to a new level.”
3. Laugh a little
“I find that being stuck in a rut in the bedroom can correlate with other areas in life. Often doing something different that is non-sexual and having fun with a partner can bring back a bit of spark. When I laugh and feel happy with someone, it can transform into positive feelings in the bedroom.”
4. Chat up a storm
“Talking can work wonders. It might sound boring, but being able to tell a partner what you need, and what you’d like to try more of, helps things go in the right direction. It also brings a heightened level of intimacy. When I feel I can talk to someone about my desires, I feel the freedom to relax, which is when fireworks happen.”
