You bang a jar on a counter to help open it up. But a woman is not a jar, warns Emily Morse, a doctor of human sexuality and host of the popular sex podcast Sex with Emily. Her point: You can’t just bang your partner harder to help her achieve a speedier orgasm.
“Sometimes it doesn’t matter how hard you’re thrusting or how long you’ve been going at it, a woman’s pleasure is not an exact science,” says Morse. Instead, showing how much you yearn for her might be your key to the elusive female orgasm. “For a woman to open up and experience sexual pleasure, she needs to feeldesired by you.”
Unfortunately, sex alone is not enough to make her feel desired. If you seem in a hurry to get off – or to get her off – that will only slow things down. So how do you speed things along without slowing down her engine? Follow these 4 hot tips.
For guys, foreplay is just a prelude – a fun (but not that fun) teaser you have to get through before the main event. Not so for women, Morse says. Kissing, touching, caressing, and oral and manual stimulation will help her reach climax quickly once you’re inside of her, she says. If you have the time, Morse recommends at least 20 minutes of foreplay before you move on to sex.
But if you want to speed things up, mix in some dirty talk. “For many women, words are aphrodisiacs—especially when those words are full of affirmations that fill her need to feel sexy,” she says. Her advice: “Paint a verbal picture of all the things you want to do to her while whispering in her ear. Your warm breath on her ear will send chills down her spine.
“Vibrators are fun and easy to use, whether during foreplay or the main course,” Morse says.