Chantelle Otten On How To Bring Kinks Into Your Sex Life

Asking for a mate with Chantelle Otten: how to bring kinks into your sex life

Each month, Men’s Health’s sex and relationship’s panellist Chantelle Otten assists you (or your mate!) with your most private and pressing bedroom concerns. This month: how to approach your partner about spicing up your sex life

“Dear Chantelle,

I want to spice things up in the bedroom. How can I encourage my partner to be open to trying new things?”

FIRST OFF, IT’S fantastic that you’re looking to bring some new excitement into your sex life. A desire to explore and grow together is a healthy sign in any relationship. Let’s dive into some ways to encourage your partner to be open to trying new things in the bedroom.

Start with open communication. Ask your partner “I would like to talk about having some more fun in the bedroom, when would be a good time?”. Communication is the cornerstone of any healthy sexual relationship. Begin by creating a safe, non-judgemental space for discussion. Choose a relaxed setting outside of the bedroom to talk about your desires.

Approach the conversation with curiosity and respect, asking your partner about their fantasies and interests. Remember to listen actively and affirm their feelings. “I can understand you would be excited/ nervous/ unsure about that activity”. This sets a positive tone and shows that you’re genuinely interested in mutual satisfaction.

Instead of springing all your ideas at once, introduce new activities gradually. You might start by sharing an article or a social media post on the subject, or even watching a movie together that hints at the activity you’re curious about. This can serve as a natural opener into discussing how it made you feel and whether it’s something you’d both like to explore.

When discussing new activities, focus on the positive aspects. Express how trying new things can enhance your intimacy and bring you closer together. Highlight the fun and excitement and pleasure rather than focusing solely on achieving the activity itself. Positivity and care can make the idea more appealing and less intimidating.

A “Yes, No, Maybe” list can be a fun and structured way to explore new activities. Each of you creates a list of activities under three categories: things you’re excited to try, things you’re unsure about, and things you’re not interested in. Compare lists to find common interests and discover new possibilities. This approach allows for clear communication and helps set boundaries comfortably.

Another one of the easiest ways to spice things up is through light sensory play. This can include using blindfolds, feathers, or ice cubes to enhance physical sensations. Sensory play is a gentle introduction to exploring new activities and can lead to discovering what types of touch and sensations you both enjoy.

Reading erotic literature or listening to erotic audio together can also be an exciting way to explore new ideas. It can ignite your imagination and provide inspiration for activities you might want to try. Plus, it’s a discreet way to introduce the idea of trying something new without any immediate pressure.

Remember that spicing things up doesn’t always have to be about sex itself. Activities like giving each other massages, taking a bath together, or exploring new toys can enhance your overall intimacy. Building a deeper emotional connection can make your partner more open to exploring new activities.

It’s crucial to always respect your partner’s boundaries. If they seem hesitant or uncomfortable with an idea, don’t push them. The goal is mutual enjoyment and consent. Instead, revisit the conversation later and explore why they might feel that way. Understanding their concerns can help you find a compromise or alternative that works for both of you.

If you find it challenging to navigate these conversations or if there’s a significant difference in desire levels, seeking guidance from a sex therapist can be beneficial. A professional can provide tailored advice and strategies to help you explore your sexual relationship in a healthy and fulfilling way.

Introducing new activities in the bedroom can be a rewarding experience that enhances your connection and intimacy. By communicating openly, introducing ideas gradually, and respecting each other’s boundaries, you can create a more exciting and satisfying sex life together. Remember, it’s all about mutual pleasure and discovery.

So have those conversations, explore new possibilities, and most importantly, enjoy the journey together.

For more great advice from Chantelle, visit @chantelle_otten_sexologist on Instagram or visit her website.


Asking for a mate: with Chantelle Otten

Asking for a mate . . . with Chantelle Otten

By Chantelle Otten

Award-winning ‘psycho-sexologist’, renowned sex therapist and published author, Chantelle Otten is our new resident sex expert. As the Director of the Australian Institute of Sexology and Sexual Medicine, Otten knows the ins and outs of what goes on in Aussie bedrooms. Otten has a passion for empowering people, and with her guidance, you’ll learn everything there is to know about sexual health, and of course, the secrets to better sex.

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