New findings published in Social Psychological and Personality Science suggest that the way a potential suitor speaks about their past relationships can reveal whether they’ll get attached quickly or not.
The study showed that when your date uses “I” instead of “we”, chances are they won’t cling on to you straight away. Flip the coin and if they’re using the pronoun “we” instead, expect your phone to light up constantly.
“The pronouns individuals use when narrating their previous experiences from within their romantic lives provide a clue as to their corresponding attachment styles,” says lead author Will Dunlop from the University of California, Riverside. in a release.
Typically, attachment in relationships come down to two things: anxiety from worrying about losing a partner and avoiding intimate experiences.
Although polar opposites and hard to determine right off the bat, this new study suggests it might just take a few choice words to give you a rough idea.
After analysing seven previous studies with over 1400 observations, they examined the data to find a link between romantic attachment styles and the use of pronouns.
The conclusion found that using “I” was far more popular with avoidant attachment style whereas using “we” signalled a clingy nature.
“Anxious and avoidant attachment styles capture individual differences in the ways people think, feel, and behave in romantic relationships,” Dunlop says.
“Given that those with higher levels of avoidant attachment were found to demonstrate lower levels of we-talk when describing experiences from their romantic lives, considering the use of we words (e.g., us, ours) in the disclosure of previous romantic experiences may offer indication of one’s avoidant tendencies. This is a relatively novel and indirect way of gauging avoidant attachment, as individuals are typically unaware of the pronouns they use.”
Curious about the other red flags you should look out for? Here are the tip-offs what men and women saw in their new relationships.