There’s a reason that Rihanna once said: “Chains and whips excite me”. Spanking, whipping, and impact play all increase your skin’s sensitivity, and as your skin is your biggest sensory organ, it’s one that you definitely shouldn’t neglect during sexytime. Plus, the proximity to your genitals causes increased circulation in that area for extra sensations, and for some, bigger and better orgasms. And don’t forget – it can be a psychological turn-on for many people.
But if you’ve never tried it before, how do you spank safely, and bring maximum enjoyment to you and your partner?
Brand-spanking new to paddle play?
Whether you’re the willing spankee or looking to dish out some kinky corporal punishment, you first need to discuss it with your partner, preferably before you hit the bedroom. Consent is vitally important, especially when it comes to something that has the potential for pain like impact play. This isn’t something that should be whacked out (as it were) in the heat of the moment, so make sure you talk to your partner before doling out a paddling.
It’s also a good idea to agree on a safe word that immediately stops play before you get down to it. Ideally, this should be something you’d never normally say in a sexy situation (like ‘pineapple’), which either partner can use to stop immediately if it gets too intense or they feel uncomfortable.
When you’re done, it’s important to care for the skin post-paddle with some soothing moisturiser, as it can be a bit tender for a while afterwards.
Whip your spanking game into shape
When you start out, remember that any sort of spanking is something that should be worked up to gradually. Start slow and gentle by stroking your partner’s skin, then work in a few light open-handed taps with your hand curved and fingers together. If they enjoy this, you can gradually work up to firmer motions, communicating throughout so that you’re both comfortable. And if you hear the safeword: stop!
Remember, for maximum safety, spanking should only be done on fleshy areas of the body below the waist, such as the bum or thighs.
Paddles and floggers and whips, oh my!
When it comes to picking a tool for your spanking play, you may be tempted to reach straight for the crop or whip, but if wielded with a little too much enthusiasm, these can dish out some
seriously intense thwacks. So while you or your partner get used to the feel of impact play, start with just a hand. If this feels good, and you want something with a little more bite, a spanking paddle is a great next step, as the firm-but-flexible designs offer some seriously satisfying slaps.
If you do want something a little more whip-like, a great introductory toy is a flogger. Though they sound scary, floggers often have shorter handles which prevents the person doing the spanking building up as much momentum, and lots of soft fronds which help to spread the sensation. They’re also good for trailing across the skin in a similar way to a feather tickler, which can be a great way to stimulate nerve endings without pain.
“Top tip: The Thutt, the good fatty flesh between the thigh and the butt, is a must-whip (especially once the buttocks get slightly sore) because of the ample padding.”
Not only can spanking and whipping prolong your sexual experience to bring you closer to your partner, it could be the key to sending your orgasms into the stratosphere. So what are you waiting for? Giddy up.
Sammi Cole is Lovehoney’s sex and relationships expert.