No matter how good you think you are at sex, chances are you’ve probably made her eyes roll back in the back of her head—and not in a good way. Whether you love sticking with that go-to move you’ve had since college, or you once decided to try something new and kinky that didn’t go over so well, chances are you’ve probably done some not-so-sexy stuff in bed that even science can’t explain.
Granted, you don’t need to fault yourself completely. But, it doesn’t hurt to take note of the things you’re doing during sex that might have her running for the hills.
To get an inside look on the matter, we asked several women: “What’s the weirdest thing a guy has done in bed?” Some answers are just that—really weird. Others will have you wondering where these guys learned their bedroom etiquette.
Here are 11 times guys really screwed things up under the sheets.
“My boyfriend stopped in the middle of sex once to try and milk my boobs. He used to work on a dairy farm. He started making a weird milking motion and weird sounds and started laughing. I was like, “What the f*** is happening, I am not a cow.” — Katie, 22
(For the record, here’s actually how you should touch her breasts.)
“I had a guy accidentally elbow me in the face once and give me a bloody nose. He said, “You’re fine,” and kept going.” — Emily, 22
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“I once started hooking up with a guy and he reached into his nightstand. I assumed it was to get a condom, but he was pulling out a DIY catheter kit. Apparently that turned him on. Needless to say I bounced ASAP.” — Leah, 27
THE CARTOON FANATIC
“One time, a guy said, “Are you feeling it now, Mr. Krabs?” Like the quote from Spongebob.” — Ria, 22
THE NIPPLE GUY
“I was having uncomfortable, bad sex with a dude when he literally shouted “TOUCH MY NIPPLES.” I don’t think he intended to shout, but it was jarring. So I did! And he then told me I needed to sort of “flick” them instead of what I was doing, which was confusedly rubbing them. I did some bizarre form of flicking, I think, and that seemed to be the only way to get him off (he got off in like 30 seconds flat once I got it right).” —Lily, 25
THE LOST BOY
“I’m not a g-spot person, it’s just not gonna work for me. I know exactly how I work and almost always orgasm at least twice every time I have sex. The weirdest thing a dude ever did wasn’t what he did, it was what he said. He spent like 10 minutes going at my g-spot and when I tried to kindly explain to him that it wasn’t going to work and what to do. He removed his hand, flopped over and said ‘BUT IT’S SUPPOSED TO FEEL GOOD!!!'” — Jane, 28
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“A boy got handy downstairs after he had eaten hot wings, didn’t wash well enough after, and my vag burned for an hour and I had to shower.” — Lizzy, 22
THE DIRTY DOG
He modified a dog shock collar so it would rest on his taint and asked me to shock him during sex. I said no, and during sex he starts going at it with more fury. Turns out he had put it on anyway and was shocking himself. — Alicia, 28