It’s not like sex and dating is getting any easier. And we’ve all got questions about how to be the best for our relationships. Every month, Men’s Health readers ask, and Men’s Health resident columnist, Naomi Piercey, a real woman with a real job and a real point of view, answers.
What thrusting speed feels best for women during sex? I like to speed things up, but don’t women prefer it slower?
Don’t assume that all we want to do is “make love.” Women like hard and fast sex just as much as the slow and sensual kind. I think the stereotype stems from the fact that a majority of female orgasms come from clitoral stimulation, which, depending on your body, can be easier to do through a grinding motion. Truly it comes down to the foreplay and the context. Looking for a five-minute quickie standing up by the kitchen counter? Energiser bunnies welcome. Hoping to get it on at the end of a long workday? Ease your way in there with some oral sex and slower penetration to start. But generally, keep that jackhammering to shorter bursts. Varying the speed makes the whole—ahem—shebang more exciting, anyways.
She’s obsessed with Instagram, and it’s getting annoying. Can I stage an intervention?
I’ll admit, updating the feed can be addicting. If she enjoys showing off her passions, I can’t blame her. But the constant photo shoots and on-the-go editing? It can drive your partner away. An intervention might be overkill, but you need to have a conversation about how it makes you feel. You can ask her to limit her app use around you, but she doesn’t have to go cold turkey. If it’s that important to her, share the sharing experience. Ever heard of an Instagram boyfriend—where you act as her de facto photographer? If you want no part of that, maybe she’s not your match.
My girlfriend isn’t into watching porn together, but I want to try it. Are there TV alternatives to help get her in the mood?
Yes! The sexiest shows on TV right now pepper in plenty of scenes that could be considered soft-core porn. And it’s definitely an easy way to dip a toe in voyeurism. Is she into period clothing and romance? Start with Outlander on Starz. Want more drama? Binge The Affair on Showtime. Simply want a lot of sex scenes? Go for She’s Gotta Have It on Netflix. There’s always Game of Thrones, if you like your sex scenes to include bloodshed and overtones of incest.
My wife and I seem to be bickering about irritating household chores lately. How do we rise above this?
It’s not fair when one partner feels like they’re carrying the weight, especially with something like housework. Talking about how to split it up fairly shows some initiative, but you know, it’s not really about the dusting. It’s more about equal contribution and appreciation. She might resent feeling like she has to play the nagging wife (or you the nagging husband). Best strategy is to get ahead of it. Be aware of her mental to-do list. That may mean asking her what’s on it. Something as simple as “Hey, what can I do for the house today?” will take you a long way.
This article orignally appeared on Men’s Health