“Every once in a while, I’ll look at my husband’s texts. I’m paranoid he has one of those apps that tell you when someone’s been on your phone—but apparently not paranoid enough.” —Amy
“My husband is big on recapping his workday in detail when he gets home. It’s so boring, so I usually tune him out. I discovered that I can say the right things at the right time by reading his facial expressions. If he looks upset, I’ll just say something like, ‘I’m sorry,’ when he stops talking. He thinks I was listening the whole time.” —Erin
Here are a few other things many married women do but would never own up to:
Throw out your husband’s ratty Homer Simpson boxers when he’s not around and then pretend to help look for them when he starts panicking about not being able to find them.
Watch the next episode of Game of Thrones without your man, but pretend to be shocked at the twists and turns when you watch again with him.
“Forget” to unload the dishwasher, take out the trash, or make the bed, so he has to do it.
Polish off the leftovers from the night before and then play dumb about their whereabouts.
Talk for ages about how “stressed” and “overwhelmed” you are, so he volunteers to take on your regular chores.
Speed through sex because you really, really want to be done in time for the new episode of Keeping Up With the Kardashians.
So, okay, keeping some habits on the DL in your marriage is apparently normal, although I bet women aren’t the only ones who do this. Just to be sure, I asked a married guy friend.
His response: “Sometimes I unplug the Wi-Fi router if I lose an argument.”
I rest my case.
This article was originally published on WomensHealthMag.com