Is female ejaculation (a.k.a. “squirting”) the stuff of urban legends…or more of rare-but-real-diamond-in-the-rough situation? The answer: definitely real.
If it happens, you’ll see a big gush coming out of her vagina. You’ll probably think oh my god, she just peed all over me! So is it actually pee? And, if not, where the heck is it coming from?
WHAT IS FEMALE EJACULATE?
Research shows that for most women, there’s usually about two ounces of clear fluid in the gush, which is enough to get your sheets pretty wet. And women who do it report ejaculating a few times a week.
Truth is, eh, it’s probably not all pee, but researchers aren’t so sure yet. Some experts say that the fluid unquestionably comes from the skene’s glands (tiny glands surrounding the urethra) and it’s not pee, while others say that it’s absolutely urine, explains Lauren Streicher, medical director of the Northwestern Medicine Centre for Sexual Medicine and Menopause. “This is controversial, and it’s also difficult to study. I think that both are true,” she says.
What does that mean? Well, while some women do have an “ejaculation” from the glands, others may release more diluted urine. Or, both things could be happening at the same time. (It’s complicated. Okay?!)
More importantly, Streicher says that to experience female ejaculation during sex is normal, but it’s also normal if she doesn’t do it.
DOES IT HAPPEN TO EVERY WOMAN?
Nope. Research shows that 10 to 54 percent of women squirt. If you’re feeling left out because it hasn’t happened to your parnter, sex therapist and sexologist Alex Robboy, founder of SexTherapy.com, says that she may be able to learn. (Not every expert agrees on this, FYI. Streicher doubts that the skill can be developed.)
AND HOW DOES IT ACTUALLY HAPPEN?
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She may or may not get there—again it’s not clear if it’s a born or learned skill—but “she should definitely try to set yourself up for it, because it’s fun,” says Robboy. Follow these tips:
Stimulate the G-Spot: Again, while it hasn’t been thoroughly studied, sex therapists like Robboy have found ejaculation often happens during G-spot stimulation. Her G-spot can be found by sticking a finger in hervagina and making a “come hither” motion—you know you located the spot if you feel an almond-sized area with wrinkly skin, Robboy says.
Get a toy: “You really need intense G-spot stimulation,” says sex therapist Vanessa Marin. Fingers get tired, and a penis is rarely enough, so a special vibrator it is. She likes the Njoy Pure G Spot Metal Wand. It’s stainless steel, so you know it’s powerful. “The curve hits your G-spot in a nice way,” she says.
Hop on top: Not going to lie, it may be difficult to squirt during sex—especially in the beginning. But if you’re game, it can’t hurt to try with a partner. Woman-on-top positions—whether she’s facing you or reverse cowgirl-ing it—helps you better control the angle of his penis. Reverse cowgirl is most likely to help you hit the spot just right, says Robboy.
This article originally appeared on Women’s Health